Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
