My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize