What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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