i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
