did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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