Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
