I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
