That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
