Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
