we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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