i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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