I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
