I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
