people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
