Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
