Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
