whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize