So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
