I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
