Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
