just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
