My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
