So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
