Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize