literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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