I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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