I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
