Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
