so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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