it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
third nipple confirmed
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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