I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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