i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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