my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
