just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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