Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
