I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
