I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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