no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
