Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
