One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
