everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
