im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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