yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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