Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
