Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
