I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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