HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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