wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
