I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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