i don't like sucking hair
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
