Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
