Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
