watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
