I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
