I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
