Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
