I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
