It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
