nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
