**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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