Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
