Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
