A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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