Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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