The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
