those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My bed smells like the plague
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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