Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
