Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
