I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
