Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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