I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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