So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
