I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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