yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think my moral compass just broke
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