I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
